Terms of engagement
Herewith, definitions to keep on top of current events
By ERIC MARGOLIS -- Contributing Foreign Editor
It's very difficult keeping up with Mideast news due to the Orwellian
newspeak coming from Washington.

So here's a handy list of key terms, translated into simple English.



Liberation - Invasion.


Coalition - The U.S. and British invaders, plus some troops from
rent-a-nations like Romania and Poland. In the past, "the coalition" would
have been called imperial forces and mercenary auxiliaries.


Dictator - A ruler you don't like, or who does not cooperate.


Statesman - A cooperative dictator.


Stability - when things go the way Uncle Sam likes, ie., the status quo.


Instability - when things don't go the way Unc Sam wants, ie., when
trouble-makers try to change the status quo.


Iraq reconstruction - a process whereby big firms that contribute to the
president's re-election campaign obtain contracts to rebuild the damage
caused by U.S. bombing.


Freeing Iraq's oil assets - Washington's seizure and sale of Iraqi oil,
which in no way can be compared to Cuba's seizure and sale of U.S.-owned
property, a dastardly crime.


Mideast democracy - regimes that hold rigged elections and obey Washington's
orders.


Free trade - pouring goods and services into the newly "liberated" country,
and buying up its key industrial assets at fire-sale prices.


Terrorism - violent acts by dangerous fanatics and malcontents who refuse to
accept the downtrodden status assigned to them by Washington.


Anti-terrorism - State terrorism.


Uranium - a yellowish mineral from Niger that causes red faces in the White
House.


Iraq Administrator - A pro-consul or gaulieter, disguised as a minor
suburban bureaucrat.


Drones of death - Iraqi remotely piloted aircraft that the White House
claimed were poised to fly off Iraqi ships lurking in the North Atlantic and
shower fiendish germs on a sleeping America - which turn out to be two model
airplanes, only one of which could fly. See "vans of death."


Vans of death - Claimed by Washington to be Iraqi mobile germ warfare
laboratories, but turn out, on inspection, to be British-supplied trucks for
inflating weather balloons.


Weapons of Mass Destruction - Nasty weapons, existing or non-existing, that
the other side has. When your side has them, they become invisible.


Torture - a foul act committed by your enemies. When your side does it, it's
called intensive interrogation in Guantanamo.


Homeland security - bolting the barn door after the horse has escaped by
rounding up Muslims and denying them due process of law.


French - Insubordinate ingrates and depraved chain-smokers who had the nerve
to try to block the jolly little war in Iraq, and now sneer, "we told you
so."


Germans - Untrustworthy. Just when you order them to be warlike again, they
go soft. Wait until they see the next dozen WWII epics from Hollywood.


Canadians - A bunch of pot-smoking, pinko, wimp nancy boys who marry their
best friends and refuse to obey orders from the Great White Father in
Washington.


Islam - An evil faith that promotes violence and hatred, as proven by the
Rev. Jimmy Swaggart, who learned about the agents of the devil while
encountering them in motel rooms.


Fox News - The Ministry of Truth.


Al-Jazeera News - All the bad news we don't want to hear. See Fox News.


Die-hards and Saddam loyalists - Any Iraqis opposing the invasion of their
country.


Traitors and friends of Saddam - Journalists who questioned the Bush
Administration's lurid claims over Iraq's purported threat.


Moderate - A Mideastern ruler who toes the line and makes nice to Israel.


Peacekeepers - Troops from browbeaten or bribed vassal states sent to
perform garrison duty in U.S.-occupied nations that the Pentagon wants to
avoid, or lacks the troops to perform.


New Iraqi government - An august body that leaps to its feet when a U.S.
soldier enters the room, and has total authority over garbage collection and
sewers.


Saddam Hussein - A former close American ally who got too big for his
britches. If not assassinated, may soon be needed again to run Iraq for
Washington.


Uday and Qusay - Yes, Saddam's boys were big-time delinquents, but Crazy
Uday's biggest mistake was probably making fun of George W. Bush in his
newspaper, calling the prez a draft-dodging wimp. Perhaps that's why he and
Qusay got the multi, anti-tank missile treatment - Texas justice - rather
than a nice show trial in Baghdad.


Eye-Raq - A democracy-seeking Arab state that volunteered for mentoring and
tutelage from Washington in exchange for helping out American drivers of
SUV's.

http://www.canoe.ca/Columnists/margolis_jul27.html

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